Never Let You Go
by wicked.insanity
Summary: AU. Ever since Chuck and Sarah met almost 18 months ago, they had been best friends, but when Sarah leaves without a word Chuck has to face what she really means to him. Loosely based on the song "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by the Script.
1. Chapter 1

**Never Let You Go**

**Pairing:** Chuck/Sarah

**Rating:** K+

**Summary:** AU. Ever since Chuck and Sarah met almost 18 months ago, they had been best friends, but when Sarah leaves without a word Chuck has to face what she really means to him. Loosely based on the song "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by the Script.

* * *

It's been five months since he last saw her.

He could remember the day she left with perfect clarity. The first thing he could remember noticing was the way her hands twisted together in front of her body. The somber look on her face when their eyes connected still sent shivers down his spine. Even the sparkle that was usually so prominent in her blue eyes had lost their luster on that cool spring morning.

_"Sarah! What are you doing here? I thought we weren't meeting until later? At lunch remember?" Reaching for her hand, he felt a cold chill surround him at the way she backed away from him._

_"Chuck we have to talk. There's something... really important that we have to talk about. Today."_

_Nodding his head, Chuck could only watch as she turned and made her way through the courtyard. Every moment with her was confusing him. Everything had been okay the day before. What had happened?_

_"Sarah wait! Everything's okay right? We're okay?"_

_The look in her eyes, her cold silent stare, stopped his heart._

_"Please…just don't forget about lunch okay? We'll talk then. I promise."_

People always say that the world can turn upside down in a second. Chuck never realized how right they were until later that day.

_It was just after 12pm when Chuck walked through the doors of the Buy More to find Sarah waiting for him. Despite the tension that had surrounded this meeting, Chuck couldn't help but smile at the sight of her._

_"Hey stranger! So what are we eating today? Pizza? Subway? Or we could try that new burger place a couple blocks over?"_

_He figured it was his happy mood that finally brought a smile to her face. With a grin she shook her head, "I was thinking maybe we could go back to my apartment instead? There's something I need to tell you and I'd really rather we talk privately…it's kind of important."_

Looking back on it, Chuck wondered if there was something else she really wanted to tell him that day. But fate had other plans. Maybe he'd always have to wonder what she wanted to tell him.

_They had made it back to her apartment almost ten minutes earlier, but neither had seemed eager to start the conversation before them._

_Sarah had led him to the sofa, taking her place in the loveseat opposite him._

_Taking a deep breath, Sarah finally broke the almost deafening silence. What she said though wasn't what Chuck expected. "Chuck… there's something I have to tell you. Something that I should have told you when I first met you. The thing is…I don't know how to. There's so much I need to say – to explain. But there isn't enough time."_

_"Hey Sarah. It's okay! Calm down… whatever you need to tell me, it's going to be all right. I promise."_

_Chuck had never felt so helpless as he did at that moment. He could only watch as Sarah nodded. After another calming breath, she took his hands in hers. What she wanted to say next, he didn't know because at that moment his world changed._

_Six feet away the door swung open and a man Chuck had seen only once before stepped inside._

_"Sarah. We have to talk. Now."_

_Even Chuck could tell by the tone of his voice it was important. But what Sarah said stopped him in his tracks._

_"Bryce…" he could only watch as her eyes flicked between the two men, a flash of panic in her eyes. "Chuck… this is… Bryce. He's my boyfriend."_

_And then Chuck's whole world slowed to a stop. His eyes never left Sarah though as he stumbled to his feet. "Wow. Uh… I should go. I don't want to interrupt anything. I'm sorry. I'll just…I'm gonna go. It's nice to meet you Bryce. You're a lucky guy."_

_Making it to the door, Chuck glanced back to Sarah one last time. When their eyes connected, Chuck knew everything had changed. He just didn't know how much. Or that it was the last time he'd see her for five long months._

So much had changed since Sarah had left. Since he'd lost his best friend. But Chuck knew there were things she didn't tell him. Every time she was late to one of Ellie's dinners – or missed them altogether. The cuts and bruises she never could explain – only to be brushed off.

He couldn't count the number of times he sat on the beach contemplating the enigma that was his best friend. No matter what she did though, she always brought a smile to his face…always could. It had been that way ever since he met her almost a year and a half ago.

He remembered the day he met her like it was yesterday.

* * *

It was the Fourth of July and Ellie, Devon, Morgan and himself were at this very spot on the beach hanging out and watching the fireworks.

They had been there for hours when he remembers his first glimpse of her. From a distance he watched as she shook her head before turning away from the man before her. With one last glance towards her company she began making her way through the crowd, Chuck watching as she navigated through the people, headed in the direction of the parking lot. Before he could do anything else, his attention had been diverted back to the conversation. Little did he know how soon he'd see the blue-eyed blonde again.

It had been close to 11:30pm by the time he escaped the crowd in search of a quiet place to sit and enjoy his favorite spot in town. He remembered the knowing glance Ellie had given him when he said he'd be back before midnight. That look still made him grin.

He didn't know why he chose the opposite direction from his usual spot that night – but he'll always be happy he did.

Two things about his surroundings had stood out to him that night. The cool crisp ocean air surrounded him, calmed him. The noise from the party had just started to fade when he finally saw he wasn't alone –there was a silhouette in the distance. A blonde-haired form outlined by the dark sky that mesmerized him.

* * *

"Hey there."

Chuck started. Turning around, he came face to face with Ellie. Offering her a smile and a hand, he helped her to the ground as they both turned to the setting sun. An array of red and orange was beginning to overtake the sky, a beautiful picture in place above the crashing waves of the Pacific Ocean.

The peaceful surroundings didn't match the waves of worry that emanated from his sister.

"You know little brother, people usually don't come to the beach _everyday_ unless something's on their mind. And don't tell me everything is okay. I've known you for twenty-eight years. I think I know when there's something on your mind."

Chuck couldn't stop the grin from slipping across his features. "You always did know when I needed someone to talk to."

The two sat in silence for a minute enjoying the serenity that surrounded them – something they both took for granted sometimes. Ellie broke the calm first, placing her hand on her brother's.

With a knowing smile, Ellie broke the silence that had enveloped them.

"Do you remember when we were here for the fourth of July? And you met Sarah? Did I ever tell you how I almost had a heart attack when I saw you walking back towards us with a beautiful blonde on your arm? And that smile on your face? From the moment I saw the two of you – watched you interact – I knew she was someone special. I'd never seen you as happy as you were when you were with her."

Thinking back, Chuck could only nod in answer.

He watched as she cast a quick glance in his direction before continuing. "I always wondered though why the two of you didn't have something more…and don't deny it. From the second I saw you two standing across from me at the bonfire that night I knew how you felt about her – that you had feelings for her. The question is why didn't you act on them?"

Shaking his head, Chuck just laughed. Count on Ellie to hit the nail on the head. She always had a knack for saying what you needed to hear when you needed to hear it.

"I don't know sis. I guess sometimes I was just too scared. I didn't want to lose my best friend. I don't even know if she had feelings for me! You know I've never been the most confident person. How was I supposed to sacrifice the best friendship I could ever have without knowing for sure that things would work out between us?"

Ellie could only nod. "Maybe. Maybe not though…what if she did feel the same way Chuck? If she were here today and you knew no matter what happened you'd still have her friendship…would you tell her? Or would you let her go?"

"I don't know El. I really don't know. As much as she means to me I don't know if I'd be able to keep living without her in my life. If these past few months have taught me anything – it's that I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than to lose her all over again.

Standing up, Ellie looked toward her brother one last time. "You should think about it Chuck. Because one day she might come back. And you better know whether or not you're going to fight for her this time. It's your decision Chuck. You can either tell her how you feel and never let her go…or you may lose her forever."

* * *

"Funny how we always seem to meet here."

Time seemed to stand still when he heard her voice. Seconds seemed to last minutes and minutes hours. How long they stood there, just staring at each other, Chuck didn't know. Somewhere in his mind he thought this was all just a dream. That Ellie had come back. That it wasn't really Sarah standing before him.

She looked exactly the same. It was almost as if she had never left really. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders and those blue eyes could still pierce his soul it seemed like. Dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a black tank top, and with boots in hand, she looked as beautiful as ever. He watched as she hesitantly made her way towards him. Watching. Waiting.

Finally, he reclaimed his spot on the warm sand and with a tilt of his head motioning for her to do the same.

Neither said a word as they sat there, barely able to believe they were finally together once again. It had been too long. But she was really here. Sarah was back. The only question he could think though, was for how long?

It was almost as if she sensed the questions, the doubt racing through his mind. Before he could process what was happening, he felt her hand in his and her other arm going around him in a hug he had waited for – for five long months.

And like a whisper in the wind, Chuck heard the words that he had longed to hear ever since she left. Three words that soothed every worry and every doubt in his soul… three words that, in that moment, made everything okay.

"I missed you."

All he could do was tighten his hold on her. He was never letting her go again.

* * *

It seemed like they had been sitting there for hours – neither wanted to break the tenuous calm that surrounded them. Instead, the two friends sat entwined on the warm sand, watching as the setting sun sank low towards the clear blue water before them.

The sun had just touched the water when Chuck couldn't take the silence any longer. Turning towards Sarah, he took her hands in his before asking the question that had haunted his dreams ever since she left.

"Why did you leave?" He knew she'd understand. That she'd hear what he wasn't saying. _"Why did you leave me?"_

The only response she gave was a barely-there nod that Chuck almost missed. It was as if she didn't know the answer to his question either. But she had to. She was the one who left after all. But as he looked into his eyes, something inside of Chuck clicked into place.

For one infinite moment, he recognized the look in her eye. It was something he had never seen before in those blue eyes – only reflected back at him in his own. It was as if she had finally let her guard down. As if she was finally letting him see into her soul.

He didn't dare believe it. He wished more than anything she would tell him it was true – that what he was seeing reflected in her eyes was how she felt – how she'd always felt. But then why leave? Why leave in the middle of the night without a word to the people who had come to love her, to consider her family?

Before Chuck could say anything else, Sarah finally broke her silence. "Chuck so much has happened – more than you can imagine. So much has changed since I left. I've changed. As much as I wish I could, I don't even know if I can tell you. To be honest, sometimes I don't think even I know why I left."

"It's okay Sarah. You know you can trust me right? Whatever you tell me…we'll get through it. I promise you. We'll be okay."

Dropping his hand, Sarah turned to face the ocean. "Honestly Chuck? I don't know how to start. There's so much you don't know. There are things that, if you knew, might change how you look at me. And since the moment I met you, I never wanted that."

He didn't know where the spurt of boldness came from, but in a blur Chuck was in front of Sarah, one hand on her waist and another around her wrist.

"Look at me Sarah. You're my best friend. No matter what you say – no matter what you've done – nothing can ever change that. There's nothing in this world that can change how I feel about you. I promise you that." It wasn't until he felt Sarah freeze that he realized what he had said. _Oh god._

For a second the whole world stopped. Everything around them blurred.

That second seemed to last an eternity to Chuck. Every emotion he could think of raced through him. _Fear. Relief. Dread. Happiness. Uncertainty. Love._

He didn't know what to do. Give her space? Pretend he hadn't just blurted out _that he had feelings for his best friend?_ Run away and hide from the certain rejection?

Releasing her, Chuck took a step back. _What now?_

He didn't expect Sarah to smile. But she did. Blue eyes met hazel and it was as if the sun had exploded before him. He'd never seen a more beautiful smile than the one that spread her lips. Then it changed. From glowing to mischievous, the smile was no less beautiful – just a whole lot more dangerous. _What had he gotten himself into?_

That devious grin was firmly in place. "And how do you feel about me Chuck?"

Grinning, Chuck replied. "Heh… uh maybe we should go back to my place and talk? I have a feeling this conversation might take a while."

"Hey Chuck…before we go there's something you have to know."

He could only watch as she made her way in front of him. As she took his hands in hers their eyes connected and Chuck knew everything would be okay.

"No matter what happens, no matter what you decide once you hear what I have to tell you, not just about where I've been or who I am, if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and you start to wonder where I might be – come back here to the place that we met and you'll find me waiting for you. In this very spot - whenever you need me. No matter what. Because I'll always come back to you. If you want me to."

"I'll always want you Sarah. No matter what happens, I'm never letting go of you again."

**The End**


	2. In The End

**In the End**

**Pairing:** Chuck/Sarah

**Rating:** K+

**Summary:** AU. Sequel to "Never Let You Go". After eighteen months apart Chuck and Sarah are finally reunited. But when Sarah shares her darkest secrets, can the two of them overcome the questions and the fear and finally be together? Big thanks to **brickroad16** for all the help!

* * *

It's funny how quickly everything can change.

He never imagined he'd be here. Today had changed everything for him – everything he thought, everything he believed.

"_I love you Chuck. I don't know when it happened. All I know is that one day I woke up and the first thing that came to my mind was your smile. And from that moment on I knew that you were the only one who could ever make me feel the way I do."_

Twenty-four hours ago his world had been black and white. Right was right and wrong was wrong. The life he lived was his. He was content – happy even.

But now – sitting here in the passenger seat of Sarah's black Porsche with her hand in his as they made their way to his apartment – it was as if he could see colors for the first time. He never imagined he'd get to this point. He was _in love_. He was in love with Sarah. And she loved him just as deeply. It was mind-boggling really.

* * *

"_Chuck there's something you have to know. Something I should have told you about myself a long time ago. I'm not who you think I am. And I wish so much that I was just a regular girl but I'm not. Ever since I was a kid everything I knew was a lie. When I met you – it changed me. I don't want to live a lie anymore Chuck."_

"_Every day I woke up in a world where you were my best friend. And I was okay with that Sarah. I really was. But somewhere deep inside I always knew you meant more to me. I guess I just never wanted to admit that. Not to myself and definitely not to you."_

_Taking her hands in his, Chuck traced his thumb across her jaw before guiding her to look at him, "I always knew there was something special about you Sarah Walker."_

_He could only watch. Watch as her eyes fluttered away before once again connecting with his. Watch as her hand tentatively releases his to reach up and caress his cheek. Watch as her other hand laced their fingers together._

_A breathless sigh escaped her lips, "Just promise me you'll remember how right this feels after I tell you everything. Because it's going to change everything Chuck. And as much as I want you in my life – I can't spend another day lying to you. I won't. I just hope it doesn't cost me the most important thing in my life."_

_The fear in her eyes scared him. So he did the only thing he could think of to reassure her – and himself._

_Leaning down, he took her lips gently with his, making the world disappear around them. And for a few moments everything was right._

_It was just them. Chuck and Sarah. Together.

* * *

_

It was after midnight and Chuck still couldn't sleep. The past twenty-four hours had changed everything. Not only had his perception of the world changed – but that of Sarah had changed too. No matter how hard he tried to ignore the gruesome tasks she had completed for duty and country he couldn't wipe the details from his mind.

Tomorrow the two of them would go to Ellie's party and act like nothing had changed – except for Sarah's return. At least that was the plan.

The dichotomy of their relationship had changed so much. It was as if everything had shifted.

Only now, Chuck didn't know how to handle the emotions swimming through his body. It was as if his entire self was at war. His heart was overcome by the feelings Sarah created in him. And for her to return those feelings – he never thought he'd feel this happy.

But then his head would remind him that she had lied. Every moment was tainted by the words whispering in his mind. After everything he had entrusted her with - his dreams, his aspirations – and he hadn't known something that made her the woman she was. The woman he loved.

How was he supposed to accept that?

He just hoped that everything would be explained tomorrow before Ellie's party. Maybe then he'd be able to decide how he feels about her.

* * *

"Who was he? I mean…I know I remember seeing him with you at the Fourth of July bonfire but what did he mean to you?"

Her next words were like ice to his heart.

"Honestly? He was my rock. My partner. I'll never forget what we shared. For five years he was the only one I could talk to."

"Oh…"

"Chuck it's not what you think. Bryce – he was someone that was always there. You have to understand… my childhood wasn't what you'd call normal. When Bryce came into my life – it was the first time I'd had someone who was around every day. I'd never experienced that before."

Chuck didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do. Finally, he nodded his head. A slow, tentative smile appeared on his lips as he took her hands in his. "I may not understand what he meant to you, but Sarah I'm glad you had someone. Someone to lean on, to talk to. And I just want you to know I'll always be here. If you want to talk, I'll listen. And if you don't, well then we can just sit there and I won't leave your side as long as you need me."

Tightening her grip on his hand, Sarah smiled. "I know Chuck. I've always known that. Now come on! Ellie will kill us both if we're late for her party."

* * *

"Hey El. There's something I think you should know." There wasn't time for Chuck to say anything else. Before he could say another word his sister squealed in uninhibited glee. In a blur she was racing past him and throwing her arms around the woman who had become a part of their family during the past three years.

Later that afternoon, Chuck and Ellie were seated comfortably on the edge of the fountain taking in the revelry before them. Ellie being Ellie, she wasted no time in organizing a welcome home celebration for Sarah.

Three hours and a handful of calls later and the courtyard outside the Woodcomb's apartment was filled with friends and laughter.

Needless to say it hadn't taken Ellie long to corner her little brother. Try as he might, he never could evade his sister's inquisition for long.

"So Chuck…funny how not hours after you and I discuss a certain someone she shows back up in Burbank. And you may be able to fool everyone else, but I can tell that the something's changed – the two of you are happier than I've ever seen you. So what's changed?"

He didn't know how to answer his sister's question. There were so many things that he wanted to tell her. Shaking his head, he turned to watch the crowd. _How do I answer a question I don't even know the answer to?_

After everything she had told him since her return… how were they supposed to move on? How could they not? He didn't know if he could survive without her in his life. But how could he compete with someone who had been there for her – supported her – for the past 5 years?

An easy smile crossed his lips as he watched Sarah and Awesome making their way across the dance floor…

"Did you ever imagine something – something you never thought you'd have – and then one day it was _just there_ and it was better than you could ever dream?" Looking to his sister, Chuck watched as she pondered his question before glancing at Devon.

Turning back to him, she responded. "Everyday that I wake up next to Devon. It's like a dream. I never thought I could feel so complete. Through the good and the bad I know I can count on him to be there. To know what I need."

Chuck could only nod. "It's how I feel with Sarah. I never imagined I could feel so connected to a person El. All I have to do is look at her and I know everything is going to be okay. I never thought I'd be able to have that. But now I do, and I feel like the luckiest person on Earth."

"I'm glad you found someone who makes you feel that way Chuck. I really am. I always knew Sarah was someone special. And you deserve special. I've always known that."

The two siblings sat side by side, a quiet calm surrounding them as they watched the party.

"You know, you never answered my question. Are you and Sarah finally together? "

"Honestly El, I don't know. When she showed back up I was ecstatic. But there was something we had to talk about before we could move on. "

Nodding, Ellie sat quietly for a minute. "And did you? Did you finally sit down and talk and figure everything out?"

Neither Bartowski noticed the blonde shadow that appeared behind them…or the way her face fell when she heard Chuck's next words.

"Yeah we talked. But I don't know if I can handle what I heard El. There's so much I didn't know about Sarah – and as much as I want to be with her - I just don't know if I can."

Grabbing his hand, Ellie made him look at her. "Chuck I've seen the way you two look at each other. No matter what your _head_ is telling you right now, your _heart_ knows what it wants. It wants Sarah. Don't let your doubt cost you the only thing you ever wanted for the past three years."

Chuck's silence seemed to echo through the night. Neither he nor Ellie noticed Sarah – or the way her shoulders seemed to tense then slump. It was as if his silence had reverberated through Sarah – causing shivers to race through her. No one noticed as she made one more, final life altering decision. Squaring her shoulders, Sarah Walker slipped through the crowd and out of the courtyard unnoticed.

"You're right. You're absolutely right El. Why should I risk the one person I want when she's standing there waiting for me? Maybe there is an explanation for everything. Maybe there isn't. But even if I'm not sure what I want right now – I can't risk letting her slip away. Because that would be worse, losing her, I can't go through that again."

His mind made up, Chuck vaulted to his feet, eyes darting from left to right in search of Sarah.

Before his eyes could scan back to the left Devon was stepping towards him, a glass in hand and a look of confusion on his face. "Hey bro. What's up with Walks? I just saw her sneak out the back gate. She didn't look too happy either man."

Emotions swarmed through Chuck one after the other. _What if she heard? What if she knows I was having doubts? About her? About us? Please, God. Don't let her have heard that._

No sooner had those thoughts passed through his mind, a revving engine was heard and the sound of tires peeling out of the parking lot echoed through the courtyard.

A second later the younger Bartowski was racing through the courtyard and after the woman who had turned all of their lives' upside down.

* * *

"Do you know what I figured out though? No matter where we go, or what we see, all I need is you in the end. "

"This…" Chuck took Sarah's hands in his and put them in between their bodies, "This is undeniable. The way I feel about you – I've never felt anything like it. I never will."

Shaking her head, Sarah stepped away from him. "Chuck…don't say things like that. Don't build some perfect image of me. Because I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws…"

Chuck shook his head. Guiding her chin, he made her look into his eyes. "Never say that Sarah. You _are_ perfect. You're perfect for me. No matter what you say I'm always going to know how perfect you are."

"Chuck…Please."

"Hey. You're amazing. Brilliant. Spectacular. There aren't enough words in this whole world to describe what you mean to me. Never doubt that."

"If you knew some of the things I've done…"

"Sarah I don't care what you've done in your past. It's _the past_. As long as you love me – that's all I need. Trust me, Sarah."

* * *

"Do you ever wonder what our life would be like if things had gone differently? I mean…if we had met in a different way, a different life?"

Chuck and Sarah had been walking down the beach for hours. Talking about everything, reminiscing, just being together. The past couple days had been a roller coaster ride of emotions. From the overwhelming joy of Sarah's return to the heartbreaking truths about the past eighteen months, nothing was off limits between the two of them.

"Every day. Every time I woke up and thought of you Chuck, I wished I was just me. Just Sarah. But I'm not."

At her words, Chuck stopped them, before turning her around to face him. "Sarah…I wish I could tell you that I'm totally okay with everything you've told me these past couple days. But I'm not entirely there yet. I promise you though, I'm getting there. When I was talking to Ellie at the party, I realized something. _I love you._ I love everything about you Sarah Walker. And your past – no matter how unconventional – it's made you who you are. And I will always be thankful for that."

Chuck's words made her grin. Only he could love a part of herself she'd hated for as long as she could remember. "That may be Chuck. But I have you now. And that part of me – it's over. This is the end of that part of my life. And I'm ready to start over. With you."

"This isn't the end Sarah. It's just the beginning of something new. The beginning of something great. We're beginning. I told you I'm never going to let you go and I meant that. When I graduated from Stanford Ellie told me something that I'll never forget. She told me that in life we're all just travelers and all we can do is aim for a place we've never been. Life is…well it's all what we make it. And I want to make my life with you. As long as you're by my side I can survive anything."


End file.
